Grief

Acrylics on canvas, laquer, bead and glue; fingerpainted. 38x46cm
2014

This piece emerged right after my father passed away. It became a means of expressing and understanding the emotions I was going through. The painting was completely finger painted, with the multiple layers of paint reflecting the continuously emerging process of experiencing grief. Lacquer was applied to only parts of the painting as a reference to the raw and unfinished nature of emotion.

The process was really therapeutic, I recommend anyone going through a hard time to try blasting your music and doing some fingerpainting…

I added the blue bead afterwards as a personal touch. When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me this story out of a children’s book about a magical blue bead that granted wishes. It’s actually a really sad story about how these kids find a blue bead and they learn that it grants wishes. They use it for all sorts of vain things and don’t notice that the bead keeps fading in colour. In the end, as the kids really need to make an important request, the bead has turned white and no longer works. In my mind I always pictured the bead dying as though it was a live creature. Anyway, I made my dad tell me that story over and over cos I really liked it…and storytelling was one of the only ways we would interact. Eventually he started calling me “бусинка” (bead).

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